Update & Weight

Weighed in today...........
I went by my doctors office today and asked if it would be ok if I came in every week and weighed. Of course they said it would be fine. I walked back and asked to use the scale and the nurse said that's fine, so I stepped on. 187.something. What? I was 187 last week on my scale at home. How did I gain a pound? I was confused, so I asked could I see what I weighed the last time I was in, which was just a month before. 197. Well, that is terrible, but at the same time, that's awesome because I thought it was 192, which was the weight I used as my starting weight 2 weeks ago. So, instead of gaining a pound, I have lost almost 10 in the 2 weeks I've been doing this. Super! But on the down side, I started farther away from my goal :/ But it's ok because I'm going to do this!

Asher: He is trying his best to crawl! He pulls his legs up and will scoot them, but when it comes time to move his arms, he just lays down, so he is kind of doing 'the worm'. He also has learned that he can stand on the couch by pulling up on the back of it. AND he has started learning to grab and pull down everything in his reach. It's starting. I have to constantly keep both eyes on him & his hands. Is it really possible that in 3 days, he will be 7 months old????

Amberleigh: Today, she made a "zoo" in our dining room, complete with signs, stuffed animals, and a pre-paid gift shop (she gave you money and then told you prices). She has her field day at school on Friday, and she's excited for it. She & a friend won 1st place in the 3-legged race last year, and she won 1st in the bean bag toss. And then on Tuesday, she has awards day. I'm more excited about that than she is. I'm so proud of my smart little kid. Only 9 days left until Summer break! :)

Mother's Day was great :)  I did cheat on my diet with Chili's & ice cream cake. But Amberleigh made me a card at school, then she got me a card & a rose from her & Asher. We had lunch, then we went to the mall & they picked out a new charm for my charm bracelet. I love it.

Life is pretty darn good :)

Role Models (this is a rant indirectly written to certain people we know with my opinions & my opinions only)

Teenagers. I was there not very long ago. The only differences are that, now, I see certain behaviors in a different perspective as I did then, and that I have children who look up to certain teenagers and how they act, which directly effects what my kids will & will not see as acceptable behavior in the coming years.

When I look back at my teenage years, I can be proud of the fact that I never drank a drop of alcohol until I turned 21 (and even now, I don't want any). I never went to parties with alcohol & I've never touched a drug that wasn't prescribed by a doctor. But at 17, I was pregnant. I was having a baby & being forced to give up any teen years and rebellion left in me. I had engaged in something that I thought I was mature enough for and I quickly learned that I wasn't. I had never thought about it from the angle that I see it from now. I have nieces and nephews that may or may not have looked up to me & I was a pregnant high school student. Not the best role model.

Now, that's not what is bothering me so bad. I grew up and now hope to be a good role model for my kids. The thing that is bothering me is some of the teenagers that MY kids may be looking up to. I'm not going to post names or how we are associated with this people, but I am going to address some concerns in hopes that these people read this and understand where I'm coming from.

Clothes. Ladies, I understand that you are coming to the years where you want to be noticed by boys, and your body may be doing a good job of that. But is it necessary to wear shorts that barely cover your rear end? And is that shirt that cuts off just below your bra something you need to be wearing? Yes, it is going to get you attention, but is it really the right kind of attention? Maybe you are wanting the wrong kind of attention, but let me tell you this. I do not want my daughter growing up thinking that booty shorts and naked stomachs are attractive. I don't want her looking like that because it is NOT acceptable in mine or her father's eyes to wear something like that anywhere other than in a swimming pool. I want her to grow up knowing that she is attractive without those things. Now I'm not saying she will grow up wearing long baggy shirts & sweat pants. I'm saying that I would like for her to dress in clothes all the time that she could wear to church or to her grandparents house without thinking twice about it. Understand?

Underage Drinking. Do you understand that there is a legal drinking age? Do you know that it is in place for a reason? If you are in high school, you are extremely too young to be drinking. I know people my age that I deem to STILL be too immature to drink. You might think that it is cool to go out and party and get wasted and have 'fun' with your friends, but let me tell you this: I hope to God that there is not a day that my kids tell me "well it's ok because *so-in-so* did it." What are you going to do when you are at a party, things get a little out of hand, and YOU'RE the one pregnant at 17? Granted I tell Amberleigh the truth about me being too young, but it is not something I'm going to condone. It won't be one of those things where I say "Well, I can't get on to her because I did it." I know I was not the best role model.

Smoking. That is a nasty habit that causes all sorts of problems to your body. Take a nursing class or just an anatomy class & learn about that before you decide to pick one back up. But I'm not here to give a lesson. I'm here to say that I don't care for my kids to be around TEENAGERS who smell like cigarettes or are smoking in front of them. I have my mind set on this one and I hope to instill in my kids knowledge about cancer & lung disease & circulatory problems & everything that cigarettes cause. Please do not be the reason that my children pick up a nasty habit like that.

Drugs. I don't even care talking about this, but I'm sure you can guess my stance on this one too. It's illegal & that's all there is to it.


Kids (because that is what you are....kids), my children either do or will look up to you at some point, Amberleigh in particular. She is going to look at you ladies and say "I want to be just like her." Are you really someone that you want that innocent baby to look up to? I want nothing but the best for you and nothing but the best for my kids. You may put on a good front & only show your better, more mature & innocent side to my child. But what is going to happen the day that they see photos of you dressed in almost nothing with a beer in your hand? Is that really who you want to be? Is that what you want these kids to see?

Weigh-In & Zoo :)

So, as you know, I've been dieting & exercising for over a week now. I track my calories and have gotten much better about what I eat & how much of it I eat. Also, a good friend of mine and I have been doing lots of walking twice a day. We have done 5 or 6 miles each morning and then usually another 3 miles in the afternoon. I'm very sore and have had trouble getting out of bed a couple mornings, but I feel better than I have in a long time! My official start weight on May 1st was 192 pounds. Then, May 8th (one week later), I stepped back on the scale.... 187 :) That is a 5 pound loss for the week! I wish it would have been more, mainly because I am super impatient and want this weight completely gone, like, yesterday, but I'm still happy about it!

Now today, we went to the Birmingham Zoo with Amberleigh's class for their end of the year field trip. So fun! It was Asher's first zoo trip, also. (Amberleigh has been to this zoo, plus the Brookfield Zoo in Chicago.) The both had so much fun. Just going to update a few photos.

AND Asher learned to pull himself up!

A new routine! :)

Well guys, I'm finally getting myself a pretty good routine started. It rained last week and I didn't get to get out as much as I wanted, but I did start getting my body used to eating less & eating smaller healthy snacks. Potato chips and ice cream are officially off of my list and just on Amberleigh's! (We went grocery shopping yesterday and bought all sorts of good-for-you foods.) But we had a yard sale Friday and Saturday with one of my good friends, who happens to also be starting over with her new lifestyle, and she made me do jumping jacks. Let me just say I haven't done jumping jacks since gym class in high school.
Anyways, the hubby is trying to be super supportive, and even though he walks a ton at work, he still got out with me yesterday and we walked (pushing Asher in the stroller) for almost 3 miles. I also got to weat my Reeboks that I haven't worn since clinicals for nursing school. If it wouldn't have been SO HOT, we could've done more.
I also made Amberleigh a new hairbow holder last night. I'm pretty excited about it. I'm not sure if my excitement stems more from the actual cuteness of it or from the fact that we will have somewhere to contain them now. I also made her a few new bows while I was feeling crafty :)

Well, this morning, I got Amberleigh up and to school and decided I wanted to head out and get a light walk in while it was still cooler outside (not hot & not raining!). Using my "mapmyrun" app that Rita recommended, I walked 1.16 miles. When I got back to the house, Asher was still sleeping so I told Jacob I was gonna go for another lap. I grabbed my earbuds, turned on my Slacker Radio, and I ended up going another lap, plus another half mile. My light walk ended up as almost 3 miles, and let me say it felt great.
Now, although my legs may cave in, I'm going to go walk with Rita at the track around the park tonight. The track is 3/4 of a mile, so who knows how long we will go. I am just so determined to get back in shape. It has been SO long since I've felt good about myself and I hate the way I feel about myself. I weigh in tomorrow, so maybe the scale will be nice to me :)

Amberleigh has a field trip to the Birmingham Zoo on Thursday (3 days from now) and I'm SO excited for it. hoping the weather is great! It will also be Asher's first trip anywhere like this. We have taken Amberleigh to several aquariums and zoos before, but I'm ready for my little man to start having his outings with us too! I hope I get some great pictures of the two of them. But she is almost done with first grade and I can NOT believe she is this old. She only has until the 24th & then no more first grade.I REFUSE to admit that she will be a second grader!

Asher learned to wave :) You tell him 'hey' or 'bye' and he will sometimes throw his hand up and wiggle his fingers. I know soon, he's going to be the one starting second grade :/ But he is getting SO good at leaning to crawl! He will get up on his hands and knees and rock, sometimes pulling his knees farther up under himself or he will just get up on his hands and feet, like he's going to bear crawl, but he never goes forward. He is really good at going backwards, though. It's enough to let me know that he is going to be my little troublemaker. He is always into something.

Now, I must clean my house. There are floors to be vacuumed and calories to be burned! Wish me luck!

A new me (:

I have been with my husband for 4 and a half years. Granted, I'm happy and everything, but let me just say I used to be a few sizes smaller than I am now. This hasn't really bothered me since I had Asher, I mean I don't even mind having stretchmarks because that child was so worth it, except the fact that he is 6 months old now and the extra weight hasn't gone anywhere. Now, I have that plus the "happy" weight I put on. With Amberleigh, I was 18 and still in high school, and I was constantly on the go (and 7 years makes a difference). By the time she was a year old, I was the smallest I've ever been as an adult: 147lbs (I'm 5'8"). I stayed that way, too, until I got my life situation straight & I met Jacob. I hate admitting this because I'm a woman & we are apparently programmed to not tell our weight, but I need to hold myself accountable.

I'm starting this change at 192lbs.

2 days ago, I started taking an over-the-counter supplement that is an appetite suppressant & energy booster (I'll tell you what it is if I see that it's gonna do wonders), I'm a terrible snacker &, if given the option, I could sit at the house all the time & pretty much be ok with it. As of 2 days ago, that's not happening anymore. I also have to tell my body that I've eaten enough because, since I had Asher, my stomach thinks it is a bottomless pit, so I started using an app on my phone to keep track of what I eat & how much I exercise. It's called "Lose It!" and I love it. When I actually see what I eat and I have to put it in my daily log, I am SO much more aware of the calories I'm taking in versus the ones I am (or am not) burning off. Now, I did good the last couple days. I've been under my calorie budget both days. And yesterday, Jacob and I got out and walked a mile and a half. (I know that's not a lot, but it was super hot and we were both getting pretty hungry since we almost skipped lunch to walk.)

Now, my goal weight is 140lbs. I've never been able to reach it, and I'd actually be ok if I got back down to 150, but why make a goal if you're just settle for less? I'm very tired of telling myself I'm gonna do this and then not following through. I feel like me being unhappy with the way I look is affecting every part of my life.

I want to be healthy for my kids.

They deserve it.

Me at 147

Me at 192

The death of a fish & The adoption of a child

Fred & George have died.
Those are 2 of our goldfish. They were bullied in the tank, and we removed them. They died 2 days later. Very sad, since we had them the longest, but Amberleigh is ok though. We went yesterday to the pet store and picked out a couple more. We now have another orange goldfish (Daisy) and a calico (Coco) goldfish, plus a spotted pleco (Flash2). He is a very ugly thing, but super neat and very fast at the same time. He stays on the bottom most of the time, hiding. Then, when he comes out, he goes all around the outside of the tank, with his huge mouth (on his underside) stuck to the glass. They all agree with each other great so far.

Amberleigh Woods vs. Amberleigh Kirkpatrick
Amberleigh's biological father hasn't seen her in 2 and a half years. Before that, he has gone months and years without seeing her. We were looking at her birth certificate a few days ago, and she saw his name as the 'Father'. She understands way more than any 7 year old should, and Jacob has been the only dad she has every known. He stepped into that role when she was 2. Now, she knows that ---- is her real father but that her last name was never the same as his, and she understands that I was not married to him and that I had her in high school. She also understands that when someone chooses not to see her, they don't care about her. It's not like this is a new development. Even when she was smaller, she would call him and he wouldn't answer so she would leave him messages that he never returned. The last time he saw her, we had invited his daughter (Amberleigh's half sister) and his step-daughter to her birthday party. They only came because he agreed to bring them. I'm pretty sure he didn't say 2 words to her the entire time he was there. He didn't want to be there and we all knew it. Since then, he has decided that he doesn't want anything to do with her and that he just wants Jacob to adopt her. But to just put a cherry on top, he doesn't want to pay child support. He is court ordered to pay $92.31 every 2 weeks. Not even a huge amount (less than $200 a month), but I haven't even gotten that in 6 months. I don't need it, but it is more to the point of wanting him to take SOME responsibility. He's not going to, though, because he's never been made to take responsibility for things. It's a shame because he's missed out on the absolute greatest kid I know. But back to what I was saying: birth certificate. She looked at me and asked me why his name was on there because he wasn't her dad anymore. She handed me a pen, told me to mark out his name. She told me that he was NOT her father and that she didn't even care about him. Kudos to my smart child. Now, we are looking into the process of adoption. She wants to "be a Kirkpatrick" like the rest of us. Hoping to be able to update on that soon!

Asher's day
He ate pizza. Not just tasting pizza sauce. It took him an hour, but he ate an entire piece of pizza crust. Bad parenting? I don't think so. But who am I to say anything. I give him chocolate & peanut butter & drinks of coca-cola & all those bad things you aren't supposed to give a baby. He sleeps on his tummy & absolutely can NOT sleep on his back without waking up. We also hold him while he naps. When he hits his weight limit, he's changing to a forward facing carseat, regardless of his age. AND we leave him alone with his sister in the house if we have to go outside to do things. Bad parenting? Rant: over. (:

April 27th, 2011. Our story.

One year ago... Has it really been that long? I remember parts of that day so vividly, it's like it was yesterday.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011.
I woke up around 5am to the tornado sirens. I immediately turned on the tv to see what area needed to take cover. Arab. Relief washed over me, but at the same time, I had several friends that I went to nursing school with that live in Arab. I said a prayer for them all as I watched the tornado on the radar, and decided that if this was a sign of how my day was going to go, I was keeping Amberleigh home. Later that morning, I woke up to winds so strong, that we got in the closet and I thought the roof was gonna peel back. No tornado on the ground, but it was scary, just the same.
I am scared sick of tornadoes. I always have been, and I imagine I always will be. My husband was not. He takes on life with the mentality of being invincible. I was about 2 1/2 months pregnant, and against my better judgement, I was nervous & worried about everything. I was worried about my baby, I was worried about my daughter, I was worried about my husband who had to work later that day. I was even worried about our dogs who are big & outside & would definitely not fit in the closet with us. We have one closet in our house that I deem "safe enough" during bad weather, and I don't even feel all that safe in it. It is in Amberleigh's room & is full of her stuff. Other than cleaning out the closet & packing it with blankets and pillows, I was glued to the tv. I watched the radars & news stations on every channel I could find. I watched as cameras caught tornadoes moving through Huntsville & I knew my mama was at work on the arsenal. I knew Caleigh was at work in Huntsville & my husband would soon be riding with her husband to work. I knew Jacob's aunts both live in Madison & Huntsville. I knew Josh & Michelle lived in Harvest. All of these places were under warnings with tornadoes overhead or on the ground. I had Facebook pulled up and I think I added every meteorologist in North Alabama. I saw where a friend from Arab was in her grandmas house and it was hit, and that her roof on her trailer was torn off, all from the early morning tornado. I thanked God for their safety.
2pm rolled around & I dreaded it. Jacob got ready for work. I begged him almost to the point of tears to keep him home, but he just kept saying nothing would happen, he would be fine. As he & Preston were driving over the TN river, he took a picture of an ugly, eerie looking wall cloud that obviously scared the mess out of me, & I just kept telling him come home. But since he is invincible, he didn't listen. Now, mama was leaving work early. I needed her to safely get home from Huntsville, so I did what I could to tell her where bad weather was. By the airport, at I-65/I-565, then again between Priceville & Hartselle. She had to pull over several times because of hail or strong winds or rain so heavy she couldn't see to drive. By the grace of God, she made it home, but now, one of my worst fears. There was a tornado on the ground in Cullman, headed for Falkville. I got Amberleigh in the closet, made her put on her helmet, wrap up in a comforter, and get under her desk. I turned the weather on in her room, and got in the closet. I remember being scared to death, hearing the weatherman say Falkville and maybe 10 minutes? and worrying that my parents needed to be in their basement. I prayed for our safety, I prayed for the safety of everyone in Cullman, I just prayed. As the tornado changed direction, I was flooded with relief... then heard Eva. I immediately thought of our friends and family who live in or around there. My aunt, my cousins, our friends the Bakers. I prayed for them and their safety. Luckily, the tornado didn't go far enough in that direction, but what happened to Cullman and the places that were hit?
Our power went out not too long after all of that, and my car radio doesn't work due to a broken antenna. I knew that if my power was out, my parents wouldn't have power either, but at least they had radios in their cars. I piled Amberleigh up and we went the 3 blocks over to their house. We sat outside in the yard with the radio turned up in the car, and the neighbors across the street did the same. My husband works in Decatur and I had seen some radar images that were in Huntsville that were too close to him for my comfort, but you can imagine my fear when I heard "Decatur, take cover." I texted him but he didn't answer. Again, "Decatur, take cover." Can you say worried?? This was around 4pm. I finally heard from him about 4:15, and what he had to say didn't make me feel ANY better. He told me they were hit, and that the roof was on the road beside the building, that they were in a bathroom (9 people), to let Caleigh know that Preston was ok, but that he had to go. OK. They were ok. Then again I heard "Decatur, take cover." Really? I heard that at least 5 more times, I swear. The whole time, my mom was doing what she could to keep me calm. Amberleigh was in the house with her granddaddy, which was perfectly fine with me. Every once in a while, she would come outside to make sure there were no tornadoes coming towards us, then she'd go back in. I was so nervous that my nerves were gonna hurt my baby. Then I was worrying about what if this baby & Amberleigh lost their dad. I tried to keep calm, and I was flooded with relief when Jacob called me back to tell me they were coming home. He said there was another tornado, and they had to run the length of the building to get to the office, but that it changed direction and didn't hit them. I thank God for the men watching the weather at the plant that told those guys to take cover. They had enough time to where Jacob took a picture of the tornado before it hit them.

I remember I talked to Caleigh and her asking me if I saw the pictures of the building that Jacob had taken. I hadn't. She told me don't look at them because I wouldn't wanna see them, and I'm glad that I didn't look at them until after he was home. Seeing his car pull up at my parents house was the best sight I had seen in so long. I didn't know what to say to him, I was afraid I was gonna start crying and not be able to stop (it didn't help that my pregnancy hormones made me super emotional anyways). I hugged him and didn't wanna let go. He started showing us pictures of the building and it made me sick to my stomach. (These are pictures I took of the building. Some are blurry. I apologize.)

The back corner of the building where they were in the bathroom, plus the side of the building.

This is the back corner of the building, where the bathroom is that they were all in. Thank God for those walls.

The West side of the building. The back, where the wall is straight, is where the bathroom was.

Blurry, but this is looking into the middle of the building from the front.

Jacob, while he and Preston were looking at the bolts that were stretched and torn in half.

After a little while, we went to Jacob's moms house and spent some time in the candle light with his mom and sister. The drive to their house was something I will never forget. Everything was black. No lights anywhere. No traffic lights, almost no cars, no visible moon. It was almost scary. I had gotten texts & phone calls from family, asking were we ok & letting us know they were ok, but I couldn't return them because my phone service was so bad. Our power was off at the house, so we came home and sat in the car, listening to Jacob's radio, hearing reports of damage & tornadic activity that was still happening. After things started slowing down, we decided we had better just go inside and head to bed, thanking God for sparing us, our family, our friends. We got out of our car to head inside and it was so strange. On our little street in our small town, there is a street light right across from our house, and we are a short block away from the highway where there is a caution light that is always blinking red. There are normally porch lights on, including ours, lighting the houses across from our house... cars usually driving down the highway... a gas station with the lights over the pumps that you can see glowing a couple streets over. That night, there was nothing. The dogs weren't even barking. We had to use cell phones to come in the house and find candles and matches. The darkness was so still that I had trouble sleeping.
It wasn't until a couple days later that we even knew the real extent of the damage. We got power back late the next day because we live a block over from a nursing home (it took MUCH longer in some places). But getting gas was almost impossible. If you found a gas station that had power and gas, you had to wait for hours in line. We got lucky and found a gas station one night that had just opened back up and there was no line. The next morning, it was just like the rest. Full with long lines. We opted to only use one car. I had luckily gotten gas 2 days before the tornadoes hit, so I had almost a full tank.
The next Monday, we drove by and saw the plant. My heart was so heavy, I wanted to cry just looking at the building. Just seeing the parts of the building that were still standing compared to the parts that were literally torn to shreds was almost too much to take in. Then they found out their opportunities for remaining employed. Jacob opted to go to the Chicago plant to work, so in June, he left us and headed north. With opportunities to return home every other weekend & holidays, he spent 8 months working 650 miles away from us. We spent a lot of the summer there, but he also missed a lot of my pregnancy, our first wedding anniversary, stuff with Amberleigh & school, and Asher's first few months (except the 3 weeks he was home). He has been home since February and we are just getting back into a normal routine.
We didn't lose anyone or anything. Even though the college took a hit, I still graduated from Nursing school less than a month later. Amberleigh went back to a school that was thankfully still standing. But there SO many other people that were not so lucky. Hundreds of people died. People lost friends, family members, children, parents, pets..... They lost their homes, vehicles, had so much damage to repair.... I cannot think about that day without remembering that my husband and our friends could have just as easily been in another part of that building or that tornado could have been just a few hundred feet to the left, and I don't want to know what would have happened. My kids still have their dad.
We were some of the lucky ones.